


You're slipping through my hands like grains of sand

by thunderingskies



Series: You bring out the worst in me [10]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 09:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12767811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderingskies/pseuds/thunderingskies
Summary: Hajime doesn’t think much of anything when he knocks at the door and Tooru doesn’t answer right away. Hajime pulls his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through a few messages. He answers one from one of his co-workers - no, he does not want to switch shifts with him - and clicks on another, looking up when he hears a loud thump come from inside Tooru’s house.“Tooru?” Hajime calls, knocking on the door again. “You there?” He’s about to knock again when the door swings open, a frantic Tooru on the other side of it.Hajime’s heart sinks as soon as he sees him.Tooru looksexhausted.





	You're slipping through my hands like grains of sand

**Author's Note:**

> _You're slipping through my hands like grains of sand_   
>  _And here I stand, tryna wrestle with the hourglass_   
>  _Maybe see how long I can make an hour last_

Hajime shows up at Tooru’s door at seven thirty. Granted he’s a bit early, since he and Tooru had agreed to meet up at seven forty five before going to the movies, but he managed to catch an earlier bus than expected before walking the rest of the way to Tooru’s house.

He likes Tooru’s house. He likes the series of plants lining the stoop, and he likes the big window in the living room that lets in so much sunlight. He likes the cozy and warm feel to it, but what he likes most about it is how  _ Tooru _ it is.

He doesn’t think much of anything when he knocks at the door and Tooru doesn’t answer right away. Hajime pulls his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through a few messages. He answers one from one of his co-workers - no, he does  _ not _ want to switch shifts with him - and clicks on another, looking up when he hears a loud thump come from inside Tooru’s house.

“Tooru?” Hajime calls, knocking on the door again. “You there?” He’s about to knock again when the door swings open, a frantic Tooru on the other side of it.

Hajime’s heart sinks as soon as he sees him.

Tooru looks  _ exhausted. _

He’s rubbing his eyes, the remnants of a yawn escaping his lips. Even his hands can’t hide the bags under his eyes, purple and swollen and showing just how little he’s been sleeping. His hair is messy and looks like he hasn’t gotten the chance to wash it in a couple of days. He’s still wearing his work clothes, but there’s a stain on his shirt and the clothes themselves are wrinkled and worn. He squints when he sees Hajime, his expression shocked once he shakes off some of his exhaustion.

“Hajime?” He says, blinking, clearly very confused. “You… what are you doing here…?”

Hajime swallows, looking Tooru up and down. He really doesn’t look like himself at  _ all _ . When Tooru puts his hand on the door, Hajime can see how he’s been picking at his nail beds, leaving them raw and an angry red.

A bad habit Tooru had given up back in college, he’d thought.

“We had plans tonight… remember?” Hajime says, putting a hand on the door. Tooru just stares back at him, and he can feel his worry building. “Were you asleep?”

Tooru takes a few moments to process his question before realization dawns across his face. “Oh, shit, I must have, I just sat down-”

The smell of something burning distracts him and Tooru turns around, still looking lost - Hajime pushes past him, through his living room and right into his kitchen.

The kitchen itself is a mess. Dishes piling up in the sink, boxes and containers that haven’t been cleaned up yet on the counters. Hajime reaches for the stove, where there’s what looks like a can of soup burning - he quickly turns it off and pushes the pot off the element. 

Once he pushes open the window to clear out some of the smell, he’s able to take a quick survey of the room.

And it’s a mess.

Hajime’s heart sinks. What’s been going on with Tooru?

Why hasn’t he reached out to him?

Concerned, Hajime backs out of the kitchen. Tooru’s right where he left him, hanging on to the doorway and rubbing his arm, looking ashamed of himself. He looks up when Hajime enters the room, but quickly looks down to avoid catching his eye. 

“Hey,” Hajime says, cautiously taking a few steps to close the distance between them. Tooru’s still looking away.

Hajime’s heart tightens.

“Tooru, what’s going on?” He asks. Hajime desperately wants to reach out and touch him, but he doesn’t.  _ Can’t. _ Things are still so uncertain, so unclear, and he isn’t sure what their boundaries are. He doesn’t want to make things worse and push Tooru away.

Tooru’s jaw tightens and he doesn’t look up. He’s not ready to talk yet and Hajime knows better than to try to force Tooru to do anything that he doesn’t want to do, so he has to improvise.

That’s okay.

“Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll get some food going?” Hajime suggests, reaching past Tooru to push the door closed. “Staying in tonight would be nice. I’m kinda tired from work anyway.”

Tooru looks up like he's not sure so Hajime takes it upon himself to usher him into the bathroom, nudging him in and closing the door behind him. “Take your time!” He yells against the door, standing and waiting until he finally hears the shower starting.

Okay.

Hajime turns around, taking in a deep breath.

He’s not sure what’s going on with Tooru, but he does know a little bit about relieving stress and clearing out his headspace, so he sets to work.

Whatever Tooru was trying to make on the stove is long past burnt so he just tosses it away, rinsing the pot and tossing it in the sink. There’s no way he can make anything with the kitchen the way it is now, so he starts filling the sink up with some warm soapy water while he clears the countertops. 

He drops all the dishes in the water to soak and gets rid of all the old takeout containers and other trash that has started to pile up. He doesn’t have time to clean everything, but he’s able to clear off the countertops and wash them to start off with.

It seems like Tooru hasn’t gone shopping this week as his fridge is half-empty and cupboards are looking sparse. Hajime picks through them and digs around in the freezer a little bit to see what his options are. He’s used to cooking with few ingredients and on a small budget, so he knows how to stretch a little into a lot.

A nice, hot bowl of ramen is just what Tooru needs.

There’s some frozen beef in the freezer and a bag of mixed vegetables, but what really sells it is the couple of fresh vegetables Hajime finds in the fridge. He pulls it all out gets everything chopped, diced and minced, and soon enough there’s some hearty broth simmering on the stove. 

A little goes a long way, so while the food simmers Hajime tackles the most obvious of the mess to make things a little tidier for Tooru. He takes the trash out, and picks up everything off the floor to put back where it belongs. Laundry goes back into his bedroom, and he pushes all the windows open to let in some fresh air. 

By the time the shower stops, Hajime’s got things looking in much better order. He takes one final spin around the apartment before returning to the kitchen, checking on the broth and taking a spoonful to taste.

The bathroom door opens down the hall then clicks shut. Tooru pads into his bedroom and must be getting dressed. Hajime adjusts the broth, adding some spices and seasonings before he turns down the heat to let it simmer. 

When Tooru walks into the living room, clean and fresh, his hair still a little damp, there’s a new blanket out on the couch waiting for him and a nature documentary playing on the television. The volume’s low enough that it’s just a buzz in his ears; exactly the right amount of background noise.

Hajime doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t want Tooru to feel anything but calm and relaxed right now. 

Footsteps approach the kitchen and Tooru pokes his head in, inhaling deeply. He steps a little closer, investigating, peeking around Hajime to try to get a look at what’s cooking and figure out what's for dinner. He’s inquisitive, poking around, until finally he clears his throat and speaks, soft and quiet and testing the waters.

“What’re you making?” Tooru asks.

Hajime smiles. 

“Ramen,” he answers simply, lifting the lid of the pot, letting out a wave of steam. The heavy and warm scent of beef and spices fills his senses and Tooru inhales, making a soft contented noise. Hajime stirs the broth before covering it up. He moves over to chop up some scallions, finishing up the last bit of the preparation for their meal. 

The kitchen is a lot cleaner now - the counters wiped and clean, dishes either washed and put away or soaking in the sink and out of the way. There’s no way Tooru doesn’t notice, but he doesn’t say anything yet - he retreats back to the living before Hajime can shoo him out and flops out on the couch.

A few minutes later, Hajime peeks out of the kitchen to find Tooru dozing off on the couch, curled up against one of his pillows.

He smiles.

Good.

Tooru dozes on and off while Hajime cooks. Hajime’s careful to be quiet enough not to bother him, washing the rest of the dishes while dinner simmers on the stove. He lets Tooru rest on the couch, wondering how much sleep he’s been getting. Can’t be much with how easily he’s fallen asleep twice tonight. Hajime tries not to dwell on it, and focus on the task at hand.

Another half an hour and he has the noodles boiling. Tooru’s sitting up on the couch and rubbing his eyes, so Hajime decides that they can eat at the table in the living room. He starts pulling out bowls, spoons and chopsticks, setting them out on the table in front of Tooru. He can feel Tooru watching, wanting to offer to help, but he doesn’t get up.

Good. He knows Hajime won’t let him. 

He sets the pot of ramen down on the table on top of a trivet and he can already see Tooru’s interest piqued. The fresh, delicious smell wafts out of the pot when Hajime takes off the lid, dipping in the ladle to dish out their portions.

It’s quiet, but that’s fine by Hajime.

Sometimes that’s just what you need.

It’s not until they each have a bowl of hot ramen that he hears Tooru making some happy little delighted noises as he eats, mumbling that it’s good and that he likes it. Hajime grins, happily offering him a second bowl when the first disappears quickly. 

With his hunger sated, Tooru relaxes back into the couch. The tension that he was carrying on his shoulders is noticeable less than before as he sinks in, breathing in deep and letting it out slowly. He pulls his throw blanket back over his lap, pulling his legs up and cuddling in, leaving an empty space right next to him.

Hajime lets out a sigh of relief.

He knows what that means.

Carefully, he picks up their dishes and leaves them in the kitchen to soak and be washed later. He comes back and sits down on the couch next to Tooru.

Tooru’s looking down at his hands, hesitant. Almost… shy. 

That’s okay. Hajime’s learning how to lead - how to be Tooru’s pillar, after so long of having Tooru show him the way.

Cautiously, he tests the waters. “Tooru... you wanna tell me what’s up now?”

A moment of silence passes before Tooru breathes in, and lets out a soft, quiet sigh. “I just…” he swallows, voice heavy, “I just.. It’s just… there’s just so much, you know?” He closes his eyes, biting back tears. “Work has been awful… just… so stressful… I’ve been working up to this promotion and I don’t have enough hours in the day to get done what I need to…” He sighs, and curls up a bit more, leaning instinctively against Hajime’s side. 

“And my mom… she… she’s now okay, but… things haven’t been too good…” he says at last. “She’s been in and out of the hospital...and with the way work is I haven’t been able to go and visit her…” He shudders a bit, leaning closer and close to Hajime. “And I just… I don’t know how to talk to you anymore…or...if I even can…”

Tooru lets out a choked breath, finally succumbing to his emotions. He slumps down against Hajime and shudders, tears welling up in his eyes. He doesn’t reach out and hold him, he doesn’t grab him and sob, he just leans against him and weakly tries to fight back tears.

Somehow, that’s even harder to bear.

Hajime listens to Tooru, keeping him close and letting him get it all out. He lifts up his hand, wanting to bury it in his hair and hug him close - but he hesitates halfway, his hand hanging awkwardly in the air.

The movement is instinctual, from so many times they’ve been close and intimate like this, but… that was before. Everything is new and fresh now, and he doesn’t want to overstep his boundaries.

Instead, Hajime settles for resting his hand on Tooru’s shoulder. He can feel how hard he’s shaking now, the tears flowing freely, a mess of feelings and emotions just pouring out. Tooru leans in closer now that Hajime’s holding him, feeling more safe.

More secure.

“Hey,” Hajime whispers softly, tightening his grip on Tooru’s shoulder, “I got you. Okay? It’s gonna be okay.”

Tooru chokes back another sob, nodding his head and pulling the blanket tighter around the both of them.

Hajime moves his thumb in slow, careful circles, keeping his movements even and steady for Tooru. He breathes evenly, which allows Tooru to calm himself down by matching their breathing together.

Deep breath in, and then out. Tooru curls in tighter, needing Hajime’s warmth and his comfort. Slowly, the sobs start to subside, and his breathing calms. He wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt when they start to slow down. He starts to shift a bit so Hajime pulls his arm back, and Tooru shifts, moving until he’s more comfortable properly lying against Hajime.

Once he’s settled, Hajime returns his hand down on Tooru’s shoulder and pulls the blanket back into place over the two of them. Tooru sighs, his body heavy with exhaustion now that he’s gotten everything out. He closes his eyes and yawns.

It’s quiet, almost a little awkward in the aftermath, now that everything’s out and raw and  _ vulnerable.  _ Tooru shifts, his tears dry but still left with so much...feeling.

Hajime knows that he can’t fix it all, but even if he can help lessen Tooru’s pain even just a little bit, that will be enough. And he knows that sometimes, just having someone there can help.

Now, hopefully, Tooru knows he can lean on Hajime.

Clearing his throat, Hajime nods towards the television where they’d paused the next episode of the documentary they’d had on. “You wanna watch another episode?” Hajime asks, “I could stay for another before I bus home.”

Tooru hesitates before nodding slowly. “Yes,” he says, hiccuping, “I’d like that.”

Hajime reaches for the television remote, but before he can turn it on, Tooru stops him with a hand on his. 

“Hey…” Tooru says, looking up to meet Hajime’s eye. His eyes are still a bit red puffy from crying, but he looks resolved and significantly less tense. “Thank you.”

There’s no need for anything else. Hajime smiles, nods, and squeezes him. “You’re welcome.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Come talk to me on tumblr](http://josai.tumblr.com).


End file.
